This will be my first, and hopefully last partially “debbie- downer” blog post ever. I think its because, for the first time in my life I have experienced love and heartbreak. Growing up gay, and in the closet until I was 21 years old, I was never really in serious or long term relationships as a teenager. My heart didn’t have the test runs, that heterosexual boys and girls go through. I had just started REALLY dating, and having feelings using my heart muscle when I was in college. However, I never experienced true love until I met my last boyfriend 2 years ago. I have had relationships, and I have met some amazing men, and I have certainly met people who have left their mark on my life! That being said, I have never met anyone who I was whole heartedly head over heels in love with until my last relationship.
Its so phenomenal to know you are able to fall in love. Once your heart has that feeling you and you know you are able to be IN LOVE, as well as have somebody love you in return, its literally like magic. The world has meaning like its never had and bliss seems like it will be everlasting! I am truly blessed to have experienced true love. What blows my mind is how hard it is to make a relationship work...
Lets be honest, none of us are “NORMAL” and we all have our own individual “demons” and idiosyncrasies. Mine are happens to be that I am super OCD, and I have a hard time letting go of control. I also have a super stubborn trait that I just cant shake, and once something upsets me its not easy for me to let it go. But the one thing that will forever be my flaw, is my level of sensitivity. I can cry from an episode of Oprah, or from a commercial about restless leg syndrome.
For those of you you have followed my twitter you have seen my tweet my feelings. I have clearly been through one the most beautiful relationship one could even wish for and I have even made youtube video’s about being in love, and never letting that love die! So what blows my mind is how happiness can change so quickly, and how love can suddenly turn into the most painful feeling I have ever had. Now being broken up with the man who will always be the greatest love of my life, I feel something has really tested my faith. It has given me pains in parts of my heart I didnt even know existed, and it has made me think things about love and life that are so negative and dramatic. But what I keep reminding myself is that my last relationship gave me the best 2 years of my life. Being loved that way, and knowing I have the ability to love, is one of the most special things I personally have ever experienced. So for that, I must feel blessed and thankful.
One of the other things I want to say is that I actually understand WHY people tweet their feelings! Social media has actually been like a sounding board for me in so many ways! But the best part about it, is having the “electronic touch” from my twitter followers, and facebook friends. As creepy as that may sound, Its true. I have been touched by so many people from all over the world, that I have never even met on a face to face basis! Just knowing that someone is listening to me, and then responding with enlightenment, or just a quick note about them caring or understanding, has really helped me get through a hard time! And while I am a long way from recovered, I do want to say thank you. Thank you to all of the people who “electronically touch me”!
No comments:
Post a Comment