You know what I think?!...

I think it pisses God off if you walk by the color purple in a field somewhere and don't notice it....

I wanted to share some of my work. I have been a professional make up artist for over 10 years working with some of the BEST photographers, musicians,  models, actresses, and celebrities in the world.

More to come

Make-up and Hair by: JASEN KAPLAN Photo by: TRAVER RAINS

Make-up and Hair by: JASEN KAPLAN Photo by: TRAVER RAINS

Make-up and Hair by: JASEN KAPLAN Photo by: TRAVER RAINS

Make-up and Hair by: JASEN KAPLAN Photo by: TRAVER RAINS

Make-up and Hair by: JASEN KAPLAN Photo by: TRAVER RAINS

Make-up and Hair by: JASEN KAPLAN Photo by: TRAVER RAINS

Make-up and Hair by: JASEN KAPLAN Photo by: TRAVER RAINS

Make-up and Hair by: JASEN KAPLAN Photo by: TRAVER RAINS

Make-up and Hair by: JASEN KAPLAN Photo by: TRAVER RAINS

Make-up and Hair by: JASEN KAPLAN Photo by: TRAVER RAINS

Make-up and Hair by: JASEN KAPLAN Photo by: TRAVER RAINS

Make-up and Hair by: JASEN KAPLAN Photo by: TRAVER RAINS

Paper Magazine : Lydia Hearst Makeup by JASEN KAPLAN Photo by Jiro Photography

Lydia Hearst  Makeup by JASEN KAPLAN Photo by Jiro Photography

Lydia Hearst  Makeup by JASEN KAPLAN Photo by Jiro Photography

Lydia Hearst & Aubrey O'Day with Richie Rich Makeup by JASEN KAPLAN Photo by Markus Klinko & Indrani

Cyndi Lauper  Makeup by JASEN KAPLAN Photo courtesy of WIRE IMAGE

Aubrey O'Day Makeup by JASEN KAPLAN Photo courtesy of Film Magic

Jessica Stam Makeup JASEN KAPLAN Photo courtesy of Wire Image 

Brittany Snow Makeup JASEN KAPLAN Photo courtesy of Wire Image

Paris Hilton Makeup JASEN KAPLAN Photo courtesy of Wire Image

Brittny Gastineau Makeup JASEN KAPLAN Photo courtesy of Wire Image

Tinsley Mortimer  Makeup JASEN KAPLAN Photo courtesy of Wire Image

tarte cosmetics ad campaign  Makeup JASEN KAPLAN Photo courtesy of Wire Image

I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH

Willow Smith has NOTHING on me!

TRES GLAM, BURGERS & PAPARAZZI!

We all love Oprah's list of favorite things don't we!

Well here is a list of my favorite things, as well as what I love most about LA!

#1 Star Studded Red Carpet Events! *(the more celebrities there are running around looking beautiful, the more work I get $$)

#2 A Sunny Day! (One of my favorite things about being in LA is the weather. 75 & Sunny is the 1st thing out of the weather man's mouth when you turn on the report in the morning.)

#3 A GOOD BURGER! The next best thing about LA, or as Perez Hilton likes to call it EL AY, is you can find the worlds BEST burgers here!

I have been on the search for the best burger since Gayle King set out on her road trip for cellulite the best burger in the world! Well, move over Gayle Im about to blow that synthetic wig right off your head!

UMAMI BURGER, and GRUB have just taken over. They are, in my opinion, rivals for the NUMBER ONE BEST BURGER IN THE WORLD!  Both under $14.00 and packed with TRUFFLE flavor! Do yourself a favor, get your ass over to these LA hot spots, shove Paris Hilton out of the way, and GET THOSE BURGERS!!

Speaking of Paris Hilton, Id like to introduce you to the hottest LA socialite and jewelry designer, Brittny Gastineau. Brittny, is the daughter of Lisa Gastineau, the ORIGINAL "Glamour-ite." Before Kim Kardashian was even a glimmer in Ray J's eyes, Lisa and Brittny had a hit reality show on E! entertainment featuring true glitz and glamour. Most recently Lisa and Brittny known for their new line of jewelry. Tres Glam...

While in LA working on my next big project (stay tuned), I have the honor of staying with my bestie Britt. Take a look at the make up I did on her for an event last night!

Using Dior Beauty products #440 Sunset Cafe on her eyes and my favorite foundation from Bobbi Brown in #4 Natural, I contoured her cheeks with Dior Amber Tan the hottest bronzer with the richest color!

One of my favorite make up tricks to eliminate the appearance of dark circles is Bobbi Brown's corrector in Bisque.

And for all of you ladies out there who want to know what the BEST mascara is, INTRODUCING, DIOR SHOW EXTASE mascara!

Go get it girls!! It will change your life.

OH YEAH! THATS RIGHT! CALL ME DADDY!

So I decided to get a baby... Yes, you heard me right, an actual baby... One that cries, poops, eats, and does baby things. The only difference between MY baby, and the baby YOU are thinking about is that MY baby is poor... Ok well thats not the only difference between my baby and most babies. Dilushalini, is 3 years old and is from Sri Lanka. I bought her online! And not only do I not have to HEAR her cry, or see her poop, but I have changed her life from all the way around the world! 

tell me this precious little nugget doesn't deserve a better life! and I am going to give her one!

All I had to do was go to the website www.childfund.org/sponsorship/sponsorcontinue.aspx and I was able to pick out my very own baby!!

One of the exciting things about Dilushanlini is that she is going to have the nickname DELISH! I am going to send her the amazing duane reade brand of DELISH foods and she is going to think I started her very own brand of food, and the kids in her village are going to be SO JEALOUS. But dont worry, in my letters to my new daughter I will teach her to share!

DELISH COOKIES!

DELISH COOKIES!

Delish MAC & CHEESE

So I realize it takes more than cookies and mac-n-cheese to change a childs life! But I hope and pray that by me sponsoring this child and giving her money to get vaccinations, clean food and water, she will gain something most children in her position will never have. HOPE... For just $28.00 a MONTH that is less than ONE DOLLAR a DAY, I am changing a child's life. When my baby is old enough to write back to me I will be so happy to hear her stories, her hopes and dreams, and how I was able to give her some simple things she'd never have gotten without my sponsorship!
AND THINK ABOUT IT! While Delish doesnt live in the most luxurious spot in Sri Lanka, there are amazing vacation spots around her that I can go and visit! Maybe one day when my daughter Delish is older we can go have drinks and she will tell me about how she was lifted from poverty and becoming a doctor, or Sri Lankin celebrity make up artist just like her dad!

I know it sounds impersonal, but the opportunity to contribute to a child's life regardless of being in the general area or not, is an honor. And hey, maybe one day like I am rich like Brad and Angie, I can fly Delish over to spend time with her real brothers and sisters...

DO SOMETHING NICE FOR THE HOLIDAY SEASON! ADOPT A NUGGET!! I wonder if we all team up and give Delish $28.00 a month we can make her richest, trendiest Sri Lanka baby in Sri Lanka! PLEASE! Go to www.childfund.org and make a difference! Maybe find my new daughter and make her yours too! We can be like the internet version of that RIDICULOUS show "SISTER WIVES" on TLC and have a huge international polyamorous relationship and adopt tons of babies and out do Madonna AND Brangelina.

Suck it Pax, you aint got SHIT on DELISH!

Excuse me, is that MY PILL IN YOUR ASS?

I stepped onto Virgin America flight 420, the brutal red eye, leaving LAX at 11:45pm arriving at JFK 7:05am, and immediately began fishing for my South African sleeping pills, aka my "Dormies." As I reached into my INCASE backpack, I felt for my pill case and thought to myself "fuck, if I don't have enough meds to knock myself out work tomorrow will be UNBEARABLE. I MUST sleep! The flight attendant scowled at me "SIR YOU MUST PUT THAT BAG OVER HEAD NOW!" ( I was in seat 1B on the plane and had no under seat room for the bag). As I fumbled with my backpack and tried to negotiate the pill from my bottle, like a scene from Valley of the Dolls, my one and only last "Dormie" slipped from my fingers and fell RIGHT into the man sitting in seat under me. Yes I said INTO him. As "Mr. Happy Crack" was leaning forward to remove his handsome Varvatos Converse shoes, his butt crack aka "coin slot" was exposed JUST ENOUGH for my pill to slide right inside of him. One would normally have to keep this story to himself and cut his losses, but since the Gestapo flight attendant was breathing down my back to ensure a speedy stow away, she saw the ENTIRE incident!

"Excuse me sir" I said as beads of sweat began to form at my freshly buzzed hairline. "Um, well, I know this is going to sound crazy, but as I was removing my sleeping pill from my bag, it, um... well, it fell into your ass crack!" Clearly he looked at me with dismay and disbelief. "NO HE DID, I SAW IT FALL INTO YOUR SEAT BACK!" Said Gestapo which made Happy Crack give a quick swipe behind him and said he could not find my pill. I slid into my seat like a child who had just watched his new puppy get run over by a garbage truck. After the cabin door was locked I realized this could be my last chance to recover my pill before it melted into his hot sweaty crack and knocked him out transdermally, as I sat and squirmed for 7 hours across the country. Finally, I built up the courage like any good pill popper would and leaned over toward Happy Crack. I tapped his leg, looked him in the eye and said "Listen sir, I know this is weird, I mean who throws pills in someones ass on purpose? Clearly this is a misunderstanding, and clearly Im not gaining anything by lying to you. Could you please get up and search your ass for my pill. You see, I got that pill in South Africa, its VERY STRONG, and its my LAST ONE! I realize you don't understand how it could be in your ASS, but I assure you, IT IS. I saw it fall into your crack as you leaned over to take your shoes off" Finally Happy Crack unbuckled his seatbelt, stood up, swallowed his pride and reached into his J.Crew briefs and pulled out my "Dormie." After looking at it in disbelief, he said "HOLY SHIT! HOW DID THAT GET IN THERE? I DIDNT EVEN FEEL IT" I aimed for the pill squinted my eyes closed and grabbed it shamefully then threw it back into my throat like it was the last pill I'd ever see. "Wow" he said, "I bet that didn't taste so good, GROSS." I said, "Listen buddy, you don't get it, and you don't need to, but sorry for you troubles. Id be happy to buy you a drink, just tell the flight attendant, its on me..." (We were in first class, the drinks were actually on Virgin America)  I sat back, ordered a Jack on the rocks to swoosh around in my mouth and get rid of any and all "ass germs I may have acquired from taking my sweet little "Dormie."

For those of you who want to know what kind of sleeping pill it is see the information below:

1. Dormicum: Midazolam (pronounced /mɪˈdæzəlæm/, and marketed in English-speaking countries under brand names Dormicum,^[1] Hypnovel,^[2]and Versed^[3]) is a short-acting drug in the benzodiazepine class that is used for treatment of acute seizures and for inducing sedation and amnesia before medical procedures. It has potent anxiolytic, amnestic, hypnotic, anticonvulsant, skeletal muscle relaxant, andsedative properties.^[4][5][6] Midazolam has a fast recovery time and is the most commonly used benzodiazepine as a premedication for sedation; less commonly it is used for induction and maintenance of anesthesia. Flumazenil is a benzodiazepine antagonist drug that can be used to treat an overdose of midazolam as well as to reverse sedation.^[5] However, flumazenil can trigger seizures in mixed overdoses and in benzodiazepine dependent individuals so is not used in most cases.^[7][8]

Administration of midazolam by nose or the buccal route (absorption via the gums and cheek) as an alternative to rectally administereddiazepam is becoming increasingly popular for the emergency treatment of seizures in children.^[9] Midazolam is also used forendoscopy^[10] procedural sedation and sedation in intensive care.^[11][12] The anterograde amnesia property of midazolam is useful forpremedication before surgery to inhibit unpleasant memories.^[13] Midazolam, like many other benzodiazepines, has a rapid onset of action, high effectiveness and low toxicity level. Drawbacks of midazolam include drug interactions, tolerance, withdrawal syndrome as well as adverse events including cognitive impairment and sedation.^[13] Paradoxical effects occasionally occur and are most common in children, the elderly,^[13] and particularly after intravenous administration.^[14

^]http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Midazolam

QUITE THE BIG PACKAGE... HUH?

So if you haven't seen Millionaire Matchmaker where I tag along on part of my best friend, Beth Shak's date... Check it out!

Its 3am I must be lonely....

You've all seen me act a fool! You've all heard my sing my heart out....

Suddenly Seymour with Broadway STAR Danny Calvert

Suddenly Seymour Duet with Broadway STAR Danny Calvert

Just when you think you have seen my at my silliest, leave me alone for a few hours at Lydia's house with a guitar, in between filming. I have been using garage band and pro-tools for a while now. THIS is the end result...

(*You must let the video load or it wont be on time with my voice)

or watch it BETTER here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9ZC3sbLHTXU

If you're not a firm believer that I am a rockstar yet see the photo's below of my pretending to be one...

and yes, this can be "make fun of Jasen Kaplan" day!

Total Eclipse Of The Heart cover with Adrienne Bailon

Duet with Adrienne Bialon

FAMOUS ON UR ANUS?!

Oh... I mean, URANUS. So apparently in contracts these days a clause was added to ensure coverage when life is extended to the MOON! "In perpetuity throughout the universe" is the phrase I am talking about. What does that have to do with anything? You will just have to stick around and find out! That being said. Recently I was on a german television show with my client Beth Shak. One of my best friends, my partner in crime, as well as the woman who brought me to South Africa. While I am not YET famous on the moon I have been getting a bit of press in Germany. I am super excited about actually having someone VOICE ME OVER!  : ) I realize this segment was not about me, I just LOVE being in it and having someone speak over my voice in German! It doesn't stop there! Next week, Tuesday November 9th, I will be appearing with Beth Shak on Bravo's hit series, Millionaire Matchmaker! One of the most fun days of my summer and you all get to watch!

So with nothing exciting to talk about this week *(legally I am contracted to silence until December) I want to share something fascinating from my past. A few years ago I began attending an event in Vienna Austria called Life Ball. The largest AIDS benefit in the world, with one of the most exciting after parties in perpetuity throughout the universe! Ok, Ok, so maybe thats NOT how you use that term, but If I don't get it in at LEAST one more time during this blog, the title is a waste. During Life Ball everyone wears AMAZING costumes and is dressed in a theme hence my crazy glitter eye, and Heatherette hoodie!  I will show you some pictures from Life Ball!

TRIPPLE THREAT! Aubrey O'Day, Jenna Jameson, & Tinsley Mortimer

Wifey O'Day and Mark

Super Model Omahyra Mota

Jake Shears, Mackie Dugan, & Chris

 Baby Daddy

Daniella Sea

Jenna Jameson

Random Austrian Signs.... If you can tell me what this means I will give you $5.00

A dramatic re-enactment from an "advert" on the street...

PS. Christopher James Luke Spinner, I love you...

Im going home! To the place where I belong!

Living in the United States I have been taking for granted some major things. Showers, the ability to leave your house without being attacked by wild animals, food & water that doesn't make you explode from both ends simultaneously, a home with a door man, and many other things... 

this is what lies outside the hotel rooms only feet away from my door!

I was so happy to  check out of the “resort” where some tourists spend thousands of dollars to enjoy nature/ animals, culture, and life beyond their realm. Even with Aunt Helen to entertain me, staying in JoBerg was NOT going to happen. Perhaps I will never have thick enough skin to travel to third world countries. Perhaps I will never have the money or opportunity to see the world, with the “bubble of luxury” around me enough to enjoy it. When I get home I will try NOT to take things for granted.

After the hotel manager to helped me flee the resort today with Beth, Drew, and my THE BIG HAND.

I arrived at the airport with NO ticket home. Originally I was supposed to depart November 1st.  Leaping out of the car service, Beth & Drew proceeded to Cape Town. I couldn’t handle any more AFRICA. I placed my bags on a trolly with the luggage porter, I proceeded to the ticket counter. IT WAS JUST ME AND MY HAND AGAIN!! Except this time there was a 55 pound luggage tagging along. When I reached the ticket counter I began pleading with the sales agent to put me on the next plane out to NYC. “A FAMILY MEMBER IS ILL IN THE US, AND THEY MAY PASS AWAY SOON!!” I pleaded. “Please sir, I called the travel agent yesterday and they told me I must change my ticket at the airport.” (the second part was true I was the one about to pass away from an anxiety attack). “I only have 100 rand (17$) left and I had to spend one thousand US dollars on the 3 nights left that I will not be refunded at the hotel. If you don’t help me I will have to sleep in the airport with my luggage and this big hand I purchased in Joberg.” He explained it would be $1350.00 USD to change my ticket today. As the tears naturally welled up in my eyes, I dramatically pulled out the last 100 rand I’d retrieved from the ATM  & a Dior lip gloss (I always carry extra make up when traveling for reasons like this). I said “PLEASE! I will give you the rest of my money, and this very expensive & fancy make up, you must have a girlfriend to give it to! It is almost Christmas!” The man looked at me as if I had just tried to give him Paris Hilton’s chihuahua. He then asked me “Sir how much was that thing you bought? WHAT IS IT?” I lied and told him $500 rand and said it was just a stool made of metal. Again he looked at me like I was crazy & on drugs, and essentially I was. “OK” he said, “I will give you your ticket for just the change fee, $300 USD. But it will only be an economy seat in the back of the plane.” I looked at him as if he had just given me 70% off at the TOM FORD boutique on my entire purchase. “THANK YOU SO MUCH SIR, YOU HAVE CHANGED MY LIFE”.... As I walked to the check in line, and my luggage assistant still in toe, I grabbed 20 singles out of my pocket to tip him. The check in attendant saw the pass off and said “WOW, THAT WAS NICE”. I explained to her it was only singles, but 20 of them and I would be happy to supply her with a crisp $20.00 bill and whipped out a tarte mascara from my stash. “This mascara will change your life! It is lash growing (total bullshit) and it is $60.00 in the USA!” (also total bullshit) she said “Well sir, business class is full, but I can move you to the exit row with extra leg room at the front of the plane. This seat usually will cost 1,500 Rand more”. “DEAL” I screamed, and I proceeded thank her and explain what my big bubble wrapped hand was and why she must check it like a golf bag, and NOT to charge me an extra fee.

Sign #1 this is going to be a rough trip.

Now I sit loptarded in my my economy class seat 3 rows behind the brave mother, for now sleeping baby, and a somewhat body odor reeking man. All of the things I hate the most! If God hasnt tried to make me greatful for something this trip, I don't know what has! This trip has taught me several things.

I realized this week how lucky I actually was when I was bitching and moaning over my hotel in the middle of one of the poorest AIDS stricken countries in the world. Not having a nice enough suite for me to stay in should have been the least of my worries. Customer service is something these people do not know because they have no luxury at all. What I consider luxury, these human beings who have the same hearts, souls, skin and blood, do not even comprehend. In most parts of South Arica, there was a level of poverty that I had never been affected by. I have had to endure what I consider torture in what these people consider a 4star hotel. I am lucky, I am blessed, and I needed to actually see that through experience. Don’t get me wrong, I have always known I am somewhat privileged, but to the extent that I am, it has taken until just now, for me to open my eyes fully.

this was HALF way point in my journey. 8.5 hours and 4 thousand miles.

#1 I am not cut out to travel unless it is in my contract upon arrival that there are suites at the hotel or accommodations no less than a sheraton 4star US STANDARD

#2 I live in a wonderful country and I am blessed to have nice things, and I want them around me at all times.

#3 DO NOT GET ON A FLIGHT over 4 hours unless it is business class or first class seat.

#4 I will start doing more charity work. While I may not want to endure these conditions, I can still help others who must.

OH! And one more thing, I must admit, I had my suitcase wrapped like a deli sandwich. It is going to be one of the most mortifying things I have ever done retrieving it from baggage claim. I may as well start clapping when this plane lands. Thats the kid of person I feel like right now.